i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
