After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
