I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
