Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
