Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
