she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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