last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
