Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
