WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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