think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im six kinds of drunk right now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
