today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
