brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
