Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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