i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
