planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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