Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
