Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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