That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was born a porn star she said
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
