hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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