He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
