I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think people are normalizing furries
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
