Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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