The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
