Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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