The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
