Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
