i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
