You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
