we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
