I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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