This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
