Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
