she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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