You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
