wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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