Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
