I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
