Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm at about main and main street
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
