How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i dont even know how to be here
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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