I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
