Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
