How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
