found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
