Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Two words: nipple clamps
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