I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
