Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
