i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have demons in me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
