She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
