I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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