you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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