you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
