You're so nebulous sometimes
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
